How to Deal With People

In 1936, Dale Carnegie wrote a groundbreaking book titled How to Win Friends and Influence People.
As a musician, ultimately our success or failure in the industry is dependent on how well we deal with other people. As an introvert, I have a lot of difficulty in this area of my life and this book has been invaluable in helping me to better relate to people. Even though it was penned nearly eighty years ago, the lessons contained in it are still just as relevant and powerful today.

Below is a summary of the book, which I discovered at Mark Peric’s blog.  Original source is here.

How to Win Friends and Influence People

Table of Contents
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
Six Ways to Make People Like You
How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment


Part One:  Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.


Part Two:  Six ways to make people like you
4. Become genuinely interested in other people.
5. Smile.
6. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
7. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
8. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
9. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.


Part Three:  Win people to your way of thinking
10. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
11. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
12. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
13. Begin in a friendly way.
14. Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
15. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
16. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
17. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
18. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
19. Appeal to the nobler motives.
20. Dramatize your ideas.
21. Throw down a challenge.


Part Four: Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
22. A leader’s job often includes changing your people’s attitudes and behavior. Some suggestions to accomplish this:
23. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
24. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
25. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
26. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
27. Let the other person save face.
28. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
29. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
30. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
31. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

I think I need to re-read this book and re-learn a few things… Now where did I put my copy…?


~ by Tim on July 3, 2010.

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